Sherlock Holmes Edwardian Parodies and Pastiches I Read online

  Welcome to 223B Baker Street

  The debut of Sherlock Holmes in the pages of The Strand magazine introduced one of fiction’s most memorable heroes. Arthur Conan Doyle’s spellbinding tales of mystery and detection, along with Holmes’ deep friendship with Doctor Watson, touched the hearts of fans worldwide, and inspired imitations, parodies, songs, art, even erotica, that continues to this very day.

  Sherlock Holmes Edwardian Parodies and Pastiches I: 1900-1904 collects more than 55 pieces—short stories, poems, newspaper clippings, and cartoons—all published during the opening years of Conan Doyle’s literary career. Also included are much of the original art and more than 200 footnotes identifying obscure words, historical figures, and events that readers were familiar with at the time.

  Peschel Press’ 223B Casebook series—named because they’re “next door” to the original stories—is dedicated to publishing the fanfiction created by amateur and professional writers during Conan Doyle’s lifetime. Each book covers an era, publication, or writer, and includes lively mini-essays containing insights into the work, Conan Doyle, and those who were inspired by him.

  A lifelong fan of mysteries, and Sherlock Holmes in particular, Bill Peschel is a former award-winning journalist living in Hershey. He is the annotator of novels by Agatha Christie and Dorothy L. Sayers, publisher of the three-volume Rugeley Poisoner series, and author of Writers Gone Wild (Penguin).

  Edited by Bill Peschel

  Peschel Press ~ Hershey, Pa.

  Table of Contents

  Welcome to 223B Baker Street

  Title Page

  Introduction

  How the Book Was Organized

  Acknowledgements

  1900

  The Red Mark / “Dodo”

  The Book of 1900 / Edgar Turner

  The Adventures of Padlock Bones / Sol Cohen

  The Adventure of the Pink Pearl / Anonymous

  The Missing Letter / Opie Read

  A Deduction Process / Anonymous

  Refused to Be Foiled / Claude Eldridge Toles

  The Adventure of the Stolen Doormat / Allen Upward

  The Stolen Cigar Case / “A. C- - -N D- - -LE” (Bret Harte)

  A439, Being the Autobiography of a Piano / H. Chilver Wilson and A.H. Mann

  1901

  Holmes, Jr., at an Easy One / Anonymous

  Notes of a Bookman / James MacArthur

  Padlock Bones / Mabel McGinnis

  Shylock Holmes / Leon Harman

  Sherlock Holmes on the Domestic Hearth / Anonymous

  Should a Public Monument Be Erected to Sherlock Holmes? / J.H. Brearley

  1902

  A Double-Barrelled Detective Story / Mark Twain

  The Cat of the Bunkervilles / “Boothcut Hoyle”

  The Bound of the Asterbilts / Charlton Andrews

  Shedlock Holmes and Louisiana Raffles / Ed Carey

  Sherlock Jones’s Waterloo / Anonymous

  Sherlock Jones’s Advice / Anonymous

  The Great Security Bank Mystery / Isaac Anderson

  Sherlock Holmes / Finley Peter Dunne

  The Whims of Erasmus / W. Carter Platts

  Life Cartoon / Anonymous

  1903

  Dr. Watson’s Wedding Present / J. Alston Cooper

  Mr. Homes Solves a Question of Authorship / John Kendrick Bangs

  Sherlock Holmes Boards a Pirate Craft / Anonymous

  Sherlock Holmes at Groton / H.M. Woolsey

  Herlock Sholmes Again / Anonymous

  Sherlock Holmes Analyzes a Perfect Stranger / John T. McCutcheon

  An Easy Case for Padlock Jones / Anonymous

  Sherlock Holmes and Brigadier Gerard / Anonymous

  The Stolen Diamonds / W.L. Riordan

  A Bedlamite / W.L. Riordan

  The Resources of Mycroft Holmes / Charlton Andrews

  The Affair of the Lost Compression / “Croton Oyle”

  The Return of Sherlock Holmes / “Lord Watson” (E.F. Benson and Eustace H. Miles)

  Sherlock Holmes: Discovering the Border Burghs and, by Deduction, the Brig Bazaar / Anonymous

  1904

  Sherlock Holmes / A.H. Hamilton

  Why Musical Comedy Has No Plot / “C. O’M.”

  Sketches / George Howe

  Dr. Watson and Mr. Holmes; or the Worm That Turned / J.W. Courtney, M.D.

  The Downfall of Our Old Friend Sherlock Holmes / Anonymous

  The Adventure of the Diamond Dog Collar / Bert Leston Taylor

  The Adventure of the Campaign Issue / Bert Leston Taylor

  Sherlock Holmes and the Sleepless Watchman / Anonymous

  How Holmes Tried Politics / “His Friend Watson”

  The Lost Democratic Majority / “Dr. H.A.E. Watson”

  The Adventure of the Gusty Night / Arthur H. Folwell

  The Adventure of the Unthankful Gentleman / Bert Leston Taylor

  Catesbys’ Cork Lino Ad / Anonymous

  The Adventure of the Missing Bee / P.G. Wodehouse

  Sherlock Holmes, Jr., Meets Santa Claus / Anonymous

  The Adventure of the Double Santa Claus / Bert Leston Taylor

  Sherlock Holmes Outwitted: The Adventure of the ‘Hot Feet’ / Armistead M. Dobie

  Padlock Bones, The Dead Sure Detective / H.A. McGill

  The Adventure of the Second Swag / “Luke Sharp” (Robert Barr)

  APPENDIX

  The Adventure of the Jersey Girl / Bill Peschel

  Footnotes

  Bibliography

  About the Editor

  Copyright

  Introduction

  Welcome back to another volume in the 223B Casebook series! This one covers the period 1900 to 1904, a time of great change in Arthur Conan Doyle’s life. He moved into the public sphere by running for parliament, and revived Holmes twice, the first time temporarily with The Hound of the Baskervilles, and then permanently with “The Adventure of the Empty House.”

  By this time, it became clear that Holmes was going to endure. Although he had gone over Reichenbach Falls at the end of 1893, the flood of appearances in stories, cartoons, and ads did not abate. If anything, it ballooned, which is why this and future volumes will cover five years, after the 12-year span in the first. In fact, an argument could be made that these parodies and pastiches played a major role in keeping Holmes alive. Each new appearance reminded the public that Sherlock existed, and no matter how entertaining they were, there was only one true Holmes, and one man who could write him.

  As the original Holmes spread deeper into the world, his parody doppelgangers underwent changes as well. This was partly due to the times. Queen Victoria died in 1901 and Britain mourned her passing and looked forward—not without some trepidation—to the Edwardian Age. When Britain marched into the Boer republics under the banner of imperialistic expansion, Holmes and Watson marched along with them (“The Adventure of the Pink Pearl”). People’s rising interest in the automobile—Conan Doyle among them—is reflected in “The Affair of the Lost Compression.” The dubious question of who wrote Shakespeare’s plays was given the stink-eye by John Kendrick Bangs and Charlton Andrews. Even America’s presidential election of 1904 became fodder for humor in “The Adventure of the Campaign Issue” and “The Lost Democratic Majority.”

  Then there is Holmes as a pre-postmodern meta commentator, squabbling with his creator over money (“The Adventure of the Second Swag”), defending Conan Doyle from Brigadier Gerard’s accusation of plagiarism, and mocking the plots of best-selling books (“The Book of 1900”). Several stories even combined characters from different authors, anticipating Alan Moore’s Th
e League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by a century.

  For the first time, Holmes acts as a social critic, commenting on the trusts’ abuse of power in “Sherlock Holmes Analyzes a Perfect Stranger.” In future books, he’ll be portrayed as a villain, representing forces that oppress workers. Holmes as a capitalist tool, if you will.

  Reading these stories in chronological order, we also can see how Arthur Conan Doyle’s life and works inspired responses from the literati. His resurrection of Holmes in The Hound of the Baskervilles and “The Adventure of the Empty House” led to “The Cat of the Bunkervilles” and “The Bound of the Asterbilts.” Even personal events in his life was fodder; his foray into parliamentary politics was commented on in “How Holmes Tried Politics” as well as a recently discovered parody.

  There was also room in this volume for humor, both low and high. Alongside the silly stories, such as the case of the stolen doormat and how a man’s coat reveals details of his domestic life, are contributions from pros such as Mark Twain, Bret Harte, and Finley Peter Dunne. Even more interesting are the amateurs who drew from their life experiences. There’s the doctor who treated Watson as the no-nonsense medical man he would be in real life, someone who wouldn’t have put up with Holmes’ condescension for an instant. A couple of New England schoolboys tried their hand at a pastiche, both of whom coincidentally grew up to become Paris-trained architects. A future U.S. federal court judge brought Holmes and Watson to the University of Virginia, giving us a glimpse of collegiate life at a time when it was out of reach of many.

  Digging up these stories was fun, especially with the help of those who are thanked in the acknowledgements. But so was learning everything I could about the stories behind the stories. I hope you’ll enjoy them, too.

  Bill Peschel

  Hershey, Pa.

  April 29, 2015

  How the Book Was Organized

  The 223B Casebook Series had two goals: To reprint the majority of the parodies and pastiches published in Conan Doyle’s lifetime, especially rare items not readily available, and stories under a single subject, such The Early Punch Parodies of Sherlock Holmes, or around an author such as John Kendrick Bangs. Examples of material published in the single-subject books will appear in the chronologically-based books, but not all of them.

  The stories in the chronological books appear in the order in which readers of the time would have seen them. This way, readers can see how writers changed their perception of Sherlock as the canonical stories were published. Stories for which dates could not be found, such as those published in books, were moved to the back of the year.

  Each chapter begins with a description of Conan Doyle’s activities that year. I tried to keep the essays self-contained, but some events, such as Conan Doyle’s longtime relationship with Jean Leckie, span years, and you may have to read the essay in earlier books in the series to fully understand them.

  The stories were reprinted as accurately as possible. No attempt was made to standardize British and American spelling. Some words have undergone changes over the years—“Shakespere” instead of “Shakespeare” and “to-morrow” for “tomorrow”—they were left alone. Obvious mistakes of spelling and grammar were silently corrected and paragraphs were broken up to aid readability.

  Acknowledgements

  An ability to inaccurately determine the size of a project got me in this mess, so I’m grateful to discover fans of Sherlockian parodies who were happy to open their files and browsers and offer their generous help and advice.

  Charles Press and Peter Blau contributed the fruits of their researches. Scott Harkless again proved a capable researcher, hunting through the electronic databases of Puck and other magazines to find what I needed. Denise Philips at the Hershey Public Library again came through with many of my requests, including especially rare volumes that I never thought would appear on my desk.

  The following people and books were especially helpful in preparing the 223B Casebook series.

  * Charles Press for his Parodies and Pastiches Buzzing ‘Round Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, which provided me with a shopping list.

  * Bill Blackbeard for Sherlock Holmes in America.

  * Frederic Dannay and Manfred Lee (“Ellery Queen”) for their ill-fated The Misadventures of Sherlock Holmes.

  * Philip K. Jones for his massive (10,000 entries!) database of Sherlockian pastiches, parodies, and related fiction.

  * John Gibson and Richard Lancelyn Green for My Evening With Sherlock Holmes and The Uncollected Sherlock Holmes.

  * Paul D. Herbert for The Sincerest Form of Flattery.

  * Peter Ridgway Watt and Joseph Green for The Alternative Sherlock Holmes: Pastiches, Parodies and Copies.

  * The Sciolist Press, Donald K. Pollock, and the other editors behind The Baker Street Miscellanea.

  * Jeff Katz for contributing “The Downfall of Our Old Friend Sherlock Holmes.”

  * Ian Schoenherr for finding several wonderful parodies.

  * The Baker Street Irregulars, from whose magazine several stories were drawn for the 223B Casebook Series.

  “Statue of Sherlock Holmes – Marylebone Road London” by Lonpicman, desaturated from the original on Wikipedia, was used under Creative Commons license.

  Finally, my gratitude and love to my wife, Teresa, who unsheathed her red pen and decorated the manuscript with corrections, advice, and suggestions. That she had to write “Do I get a thanks?” here shows you how much I need her.

  An effort was made to determine the copyright status of these pieces and obtain permission to publish from the rightful copyright holders. If I made a mistake, please contact me so that I may rectify the error.

  Got parody?: If you have an uncollected Sherlock Holmes story that was published between 1888 and 1930, please let me know the title and author. If I don’t have it and can use it, you’ll earn a free trade paperback of the book it’ll appear in plus an acknowledgement inside! Email me at [email protected] or write to Peschel Press, P.O. Box 132, Hershey, PA 17033-0132.

  Get the newsletter: If you want to learn more about my books, my researches and the media I eat, sign up for the Peschel Press newsletter. Every month, you’ll get a chatty letter about what we’re publishing plus a glimpse behind the scenes at a growing publishing house. Visit either www.planetpeschel.com or www.peschelpress.com and look for the sign-up box.

  1900

  Conan Doyle, sketched by Mortimer Menpes in South Africa, 1900.

  At the end of 1899, Arthur Conan Doyle was a popular author on the verge of becoming a public figure. To the world, he presented the image of everything a Victorian gentleman of his 41 years could want. He had a family—his wife of 19 years, Louise (also known as “Touie”), his 10-year-old daughter Mary and his seven-year-old son Kingsley—and he was master of Undershaw, the elegant home he built near Hindhead in the county of Surrey.

  But over his shoulder he felt haunted by Sherlock Holmes. Conan Doyle had killed him off in 1893 because he distracted the public from the historical works that were meant to endure. But The White Company, Rodney Stone, and Uncle Bernac, while praised, were modest successes, and his Brigadier Gerard stories were not as popular as Holmes. Because he needed cash to finish paying for building Undershaw, Conan Doyle revived Holmes for the stage. With American actor William Gillette wearing the deerstalker, Sherlock Holmes was a raging success, but it revived pressure on Conan Doyle to bring the detective back.

  Also behind the scenes lived the woman: Jean Leckie. After Touie was diagnosed with tuberculosis seven years ago, Conan Doyle had formed a passionate attachment to her. Rather than hurt Touie by seeking a divorce, he chose to keep her in the dark and maintain a chaste relationship with Jean until she died. As Touie’s health slowly deteriorated, she would stay at Undershaw with the family, and take trips to Switzerland where it was believed the cold mountain air would help restore her health. Meanwhile, her husband wrote, gave speeches, attended meetings, wrote numerous letters to the press on public iss
ues, and indulged his fondness for sports, especially cricket and golf. In between, there were carefully arranged and chaperoned visits with Jean, with family and friends enlisted to keep the truth from his wife.

  As the year opened, Conan Doyle prepared to march for British imperialism. At the end of 1899, Britain had declared war against the Boer republics in southern Africa. The discovery of diamonds there had attracted English settlers who were agitating for voting rights. They were encouraged by businessmen such as Cecil Rhodes, who would profit from a British takeover. (In fact, secretly encouraged by politicians at home, Rhodes had financed a failed raid on the republics in 1895.)

  With the declaration of war, Conan Doyle attempted to enlist despite his mother’s protests: “There are hundreds of thousands who can fight for one who can make a Sherlock Holmes or a Waterloo!” If the nation was polled, “the Ma’am” wrote her son, everyone—“unless perhaps some unsuccessful novelists!”—would urge him to stay home.

  But Conan Doyle felt he couldn’t support the war without serving somehow. Philanthropist John Langman solved his problem by recruiting him to run a field hospital that he was financing. In March, two trains bearing supplies and recruits left London and within a month reached Bloemfontein in South Africa.

  It was the first time Conan Doyle experienced war. In his letters home he was cheerful and energetic, but hid the grimmer reality in his diary, observing that “You could find your way from Modder to Bloemfontein by the smell of dead horses.” When not treating patients, he visited the front, played football and cricket, and began writing a history of the war. Then typhoid struck the hospital, and soon the patients were dying off, up to 60 a day at the worst. He continued to treat the men with enthusiasm. He knew he was being tested, and he would not be found wanting. He also would later catch a mild dose of cholera that would leave his digestion unsettled for the next decade.